just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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