I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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