Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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