i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When are your genitals available?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
