Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
