She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
