guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
