It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i need some magic done to my vagina
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
