he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
