Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
