The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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