Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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