Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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