So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
