Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
