i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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