I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
