Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
