Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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