it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
