I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
