ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
