can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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