the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
