So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
