do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
