Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
