he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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