My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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