We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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