Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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