Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
