We're facebook friends in real life
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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