Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
