shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
