I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
