so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
