Duck Duck Cougar?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
