Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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