do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
