he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
