Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
