I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
