like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
pray to the hookup gods
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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