her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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