I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
