angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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