I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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