Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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