Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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