did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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