Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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