I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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