I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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