I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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