I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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