Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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