Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
