I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
