Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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