in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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