o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
