i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
