youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
