omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
