We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
