i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
