he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
