Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
