In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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