i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
