It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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