We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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