Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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